Some thoughts just don't die. And there's one such that plagues me often - "It's the search for a deeper meaning of what I am doing or what I want to do in life". Of course I have got different answers at different points in time, but yet there is a theme that refuses to leave easily.
That "adamant" theme has been "education" and its "unfair distribution" across living, breathing, emoting human beings. I keep dwelling on the thoughts that why is the playing ground never even? Why do we ask an urban-educated-fluent English speaking youngster to compete with not-so-urban-not-so-fluent-not-so-educated and expect the "war" to be "fair"? Why is it that education doesn't propagate "evenly" across everyone before the "competition" kicks in?
But then as a spectator of these glorious corporate battles all around me, I just "feel" the "futility" of every competition and "desperation" of just trying to become - just a little more than a mere spectator!!
A forward by one of my colleague just resurrected the "theme" once again in my life. It was about an opportunity to do a "fellowship" in an rather interesting "social sector" field. It is a 2 year full time course with majority of it being spent in "field" - the field being the deepest, innermost rural villages. A grass root level "education" for myself so next time I open my mouth post this course, I actually know what I am talking about! (As you can infer, I haven't seen it from inside yet). The attempt of this organization has been to change the education system of the country at a grass root level rather than merely building schools or providing scholarships!!
So once again I started ruminating if this indeed is a real inner call of mine or just a wishful thinking.
Unfortunately I am flawed and I have no fear admitting that in open. Whenever I have given these a serious thought, a familiar "fear of not being practical" holds me back. It keeps telling me - what about your monthly bills, EMIs, family needs and the list goes on. It keeps telling me - Its for your future not now. I just keep wondering when will future become present?
So I stand here right now at this juncture where this fellowship program and this opportunity of a totally different career and possibly a totally different future "lures" me on one side, while "Its not yet the time" holds me on the other.
Will destiny or events of life help me reach that clarity? I keep ruminating.......
